


Change x and x Request

by bipabrena



Series: The Book of HisoIllu [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Basically this fic is about Illumi becoming more human, Gon and Killua discuss what happened in the Chimera Ant arc, I love HisoIllu so much goddamn, I need them to get married, Illumi and Hisoka vs Chrollo and the Phantom Troupe, M/M, SMUT IS IN CHAPTER 2 IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE HERE FOR, We explore Killua's mixed feelings towards Illumi, we'll see a little bit of the fight that happened in the Black Whale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:33:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26927416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bipabrena/pseuds/bipabrena
Summary: After his fight with the Spiders leaves him mortally wounded, Hisoka is comatose. This time, no Nen contract can make him come back. The only thing keeping him alive is a constant supply of aura from Illumi, which has been slowly draining him as well.So, Illumi's willing to throw it all away. He seeks help from the one person he never figured he’d be asking for help. He pleads to Killua and Nanika to heal his dying friend, except that Killua doesn’t know it’s Hisoka. This selfless behaviour, this display of unselfish love for a life from the person he’s always been most terrified of stuns Killua.For the first time, Illumi sees Nanika as someone, not something. He realises his mistake on dehumanising her, and so he knows neither she nor Killua have any reason to want to help him.He can only hope they will.
Relationships: Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Series: The Book of HisoIllu [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1964734
Comments: 42
Kudos: 345
Collections: Amazing HxH Fics💕





	1. Request

Illumi’s needlemen had set up a small but solid hospital room in the building. Not too many people lived in it, and it was in a strategic location. Several doctors from the most prestigious hospitals in the city came and went.

But, regardless of how many came or how hard they worked, they all arrived to the same conclusion: Hisoka was beyond saving.

Every day that passed, the comatose Hisoka withered away further.

It was then Illumi accessed the Hunters’ Tavern and found several doctors with Nen-based abilities. He brought them all forth within the course of a week, but all they could do was prolong the inevitable.

He was meticulous and careful to hide his tracks and hire them under names and details that’d make his true identity untraceable.

Illumi was not worried about his concurrent actions having consequences.

The talented doctors had given up, insisted they couldn’t save Hisoka, but Illumi wouldn’t have that. He’d stuck his needles in them and forced them to continue working, until they died of overexertion, just like all his needlemen did.

In the end, all he accomplished was the raking of bodies.

He disposed of them all, until his only choice was to share his Nen with Hisoka’s comatose body.

It was the one way to prolong the inevitable.

The only solution didn’t come to him until all alternatives had been explored.

It took him five days to gather enough Intel, with the limited tools he had, to find Killua’s phone number.

Naturally so, Killua had changed it along with all his details to completely sever ties with his family. It’s what made him hard to find, but Illumi didn’t give up, not even with his limited tools.

From all the Zoldycks, he’d always been the best at tailing and figuring out the way people clicked—how they worked, how they thought. Ironically so, considering his total lack of social skills outside of assassination.

He would’ve had better success if he’d just gone home, but he couldn’t afford it.

If he left this room, if he relocated or stopped sharing his aura with Hisoka, he’d die within minutes.

He impassively stared at his unconscious, withering frame. He approached him.

He sighed so quietly it was nearly imperceptible, and stopped by his bedside. He nonchalantly looked at Hisoka.

The burns, the cuts, the wounds.

While the Troupe split up to find him, what Hisoka truly wanted was to have them all in one room.

His resurrection had succeeded, but it’d left him wounded. His hand, his nose, his foot. They were superficial. He’d received an aura boost, but he was still handicapped. The replacements were solid enough, at least. For a while.

He was sure he wouldn’t be able to take on all the Spiders, and even if he did, he’d die soon after.

It was either receiving medical attention at once, healing, then wait for his chance to find them all again in the uncertain future, or fight them at once by not missing the chance of them being together in the Black Whale.

Hisoka prioritised his wounded pride.

And so, with his own strength and boosted Nen, his mental state heightened to its utmost limits, and unknowingly created a condition.

Even though he was slowly dying, he was adamant about surviving long enough to kill the Phantom Troupe, and to leave Chrollo for last. His senses, his physical abilities and speed stretched beyond their peak.

His resolve is what made his Nen exceedingly strong. But it also created a limitation: his full potential and beyond would be unleashed only with the Troupe. And he could only do it once.

And, if he overdid it, he may not come back from it.

He was lucky he’d hired Illumi.

However, the pretence of joining the Troupe to kill him was only that: a pretence. The real reason he’d hired him was so he could take Kalluto away so he wouldn’t get caught in the fight.

What Hisoka hadn’t counted on was Illumi risking his life to fight alongside him.

It’d stunned and worried Hisoka. Despite being a terrifying monster, it was still instinctive for him to worry about Illumi’s safety. But the look on Chrollo’s face when Illumi unexpectedly appeared, and sent Shizuku’s and Bonolenov’s heads flying, had turned him on so much he popped a boner on the spot.

It had been done so cleanly not a drop of blood was on Illumi’s three inch claws, and the other Troupe members could only stare in shock.

Seeing Illumi fight at full power was something Hisoka never thought he would witness, but he did—and he creamed his pants once, perhaps twice, from the sight alone.

Illumi had gotten injured, but it was nothing he couldn’t heal with his needles until he received real medical assistance.

The fight had been strenuous. It destroyed a large part of the Black Whale, but not enough to completely sink it. It was still functional, but there was damage, and amongst it collateral.

With Bonolenov and Shizuku down, the match-ups had been the following:

  1. Hisoka vs Machi, Feitan and Chrollo.
  2. Illumi vs Franklin, Nobunaga and Phinks.



In theory, it wasn’t good that Illumi had been stuck with two Enhancers, but considering his usual fighting style, it required distance to be created, and so it gave the Enhancers, Nobunaga and Phinks, few chances to land hits on him.

Illumi was more of a hit-and-run when fighting Enhancers. An appropriate style.

Because Franklin was an Emitter and his ability was more gravitated towards crowd control, such as the auction, he couldn’t freely use his ability. Illumi was too fast, and he could risk injuring some of the Troupe members. And so, he was forced to instead rely on direct hand-to-hand combat, which Illumi was far more proficient at.

At one point, Chrollo was forced to abandon Hisoka to aid those three with Illumi. He’d proven to be stronger than they’d anticipated.

Because he was an assassin, they’d greatly underestimated his duel abilities.

Illumi had a spectacular dominion of Ko, Ken, Gyo and Ryu. These abilities were usually perfected by Enhancers, since they did not require Hatsus, but it still stood that other Nen categories could perfect these techniques as well—the matter was that they often preferred to rely on their powers.

Illumi didn’t.

Not even Hisoka knew that.

Illumi was capable of using his category to the fullest, but he was also a level six at Enhancement, which put him on par with Franklin, the Emitter, and Phinks and Nobunaga, the Enhancers.

Nobunaga was very skilled in battle, but was not as physically strong as expected of an Enhancer. He was relatively weak, as even Machi exceeded him in physical strength. And so, Illumi far outshined him in this field. Phinks, on the other hand, was physically stronger than Illumi by a large margin, but he wasn’t a proficient hand-to-hand combatant. Though tremendously strong, he was above all a brawler, while Illumi had solid techniques.

This realisation made Hisoka moan mid-battle in sheer delight. Illumi truly was full of surprises.

When Chrollo joined, however, the problems started.

The range of abilities he had was insane.

But that was completely okay. Because Illumi had counted on this. Expertly, he and Hisoka switched places multiple times, and had alternated targets, so Illumi faced Machi and Feitan, too.

Their teamwork was splendid, natural. It flowed beautifully.

Hisoka had never had more fun in his life.

He completely forgot about his pride and revenge, and instead allowed himself to just **_feel_** , to revel on the moment of fighting such monsters alongside a more lethal monster. Illumi, the one person he’d always dreamed of fighting, and had been eager to see fight with his full strength.

At one point, Illumi managed to sever Machi’s left arm. As soon as he aimed for her heart, Feitan thought fast and Illumi barely avoided his Ko powered sword.

When Illumi lured them into the position he wanted, he screamed it.

_“Do it now, Kallu!”_

It’d brought all of their attentions for a split second.

Two rooms away, it’s when Kalluto had opened the gate, and three hundred needlemen filled the room in the blink of an eye.

In that split second of confusion, Illumi bolted to Hisoka and grabbed him.

Thinking fast, Hisoka stuck Bungee Gum to the ceiling to repel both himself and Illumi into the second floor.

 _“It’s fitting, don’t you think?”_ is what Illumi had told Hisoka when the stunned redhead stared down at the needlemen swarm the Troupe members.

At that moment, never had Hisoka wanted to fuck Illumi so savagely in his life.

For him to bring hundreds of needlemen to swarm Chrollo and his Spiders, the same way Chrollo’s puppets had done Hisoka, was so poetic and fitting that Hisoka could only laugh.

He’d made a joke here and there on just how many needles Illumi had brought.

And that’s when things changed.

When a light slowly rose to the ceiling, Hisoka and Illumi could only watch in confusion. They were only brought back by Kalluto, who screamed through the Zoldyck transmitter.

He’d been that day on the Meteor City raid. He knew of Feitan’s Pain Packer.

He’d desperately screamed at Illumi to get out of there as he hastily explained what that powerful light was, what it would turn into once it expanded.

Illumi had a final trick up his sleeve with his needlemen, but before he could verbalise it to Hisoka to ease him, he’d been wrapped in Bungee Gum and thrown out of the room. Before he could stand up to rush in again, the gate had been shut, with what he could only assume was Bungee Gum.

That’s when the explosion happened.

The needlemen served as cushions for the immense heat, and so Feitan took advantage of this. One of Chrollo’s ability’s also shielded them, but what they didn’t count on was the imbued explosives on two hundred of the three hundred needlemen that were swarming them and cutting their oxygen supply.

By the time Rising Sun deactivated, the only survivors had been Chrollo, Machi and Phinks. And they were mortally wounded.

When Illumi managed to tear down the door, he was worried.

He did it with ease, unlike his previous attempts. That meant it wasn’t being held together by Bungee Gum anymore.

Illumi could only hope for the worst.

He’d gone to—

A strong rumble in his stomach distracted him from his reminiscing. Illumi’s mind went blank as he momentarily forgot about the events in the Black Whale, and he recalled he hadn’t eaten in five days.

Not like he could anyway. Leaving this room meant Hisoka would die.

He sighed softly.

It was a strange feeling. Expending so much of his aura, transferring it to someone else was an uncomfortable, somewhat burning feeling. It felt much like when a doctor drew blood from their patient—that little burning feeling, except that multiplied manifold times, and he felt it all over his body.

He grabbed his phone.

**X**

“That was **_so_** cool!” Alluka cheered as she clapped enthusiastically.

Gon closed his eyes with a smile as he bowed, one arm on his stomach and lifting the other.

“When did you learn to do that?” a surprised Killua asked, sucking on his bunny lollipop.

“Kite is a really good dancer,” Gon smiled as he shyly rubbed the back of his neck. “There was a big birthday party for Spinner, and everyone got a little drunk. Kite turned out to be really good at dancing! So, I had him teach me.”

Killua was confused for a moment because of Gon’s choice of words, but he quickly remembered being told that, despite his new body, Kite still identified as a man—just like Alluka identified as a girl.

“Kite’s full of surprises,” he shook his head.

“He is,” Gon’s expression softened as he turned off the music.

“Kite sounds like so much fun,” Alluka commented. “I’d really like to meet him!”

“Oh!” Gon’s eyes widened in realisation, and he brought his fist to his palm. “That’s a good idea! Kite leads a wildlife exploration team, so he always sees some really cool stuff. You can tag along with me and visit him!”

“Onii-chan!” Alluka held onto Killua’s shirt and frantically shook him back and forth. “We have to go!”

Killua blinked at her repeatedly. Then, he smiled.

“Yeah, sure. Then, Gon,” Killua directed his smile at him, “you ask him when he’d be okay with us visiting him.”

“I will,” Gon nodded, returning the smile.

“Oh, that reminds me!” Alluka stood, and she ran to crouch before the JoyStation under the television. “There’s a game called _Just Dance_. We can dance together!” she looked back at them with a grin.

Alluka turned the console on, grabbed the controller and went back to the couch to scroll though the JoyStation Live screen.

Gon and Killua said they’d get a drink while she put on the game.

“So, now that we’re on topic, how’s Kite?” Killua asked, leaning on the counter as Gon grabbed Monster drinks from the fridge.

“He’s fine,” Gon said, handing Killua his drink. “Thankfully.”

“Is he?”

Gon blinked in confusion, but then realisation hit him.

“… Oh,” his eyes saddened slightly. “It’s been really hard for him to adapt. I don’t blame him… if it happened to me, I wouldn’t know how to feel if I wasn’t in my body. He also hides it well, but I caught him one time… it seems his fight with Pitou has really… done something to him.”

Killua frowned.

“He doesn’t like talking about it, but he just gets this look in his eye, and I just know something’s wrong.”

“Well…” Killua opened the can, “it’s not like I blame him. Sometimes I get flashes of that night, too. I can still feel the strength of that aura,” his expression darkened. “But it’s good she’s dead, right? Something that strong shouldn’t exist anyway,” he jested with a chuckle.

It was a joke, but a little far from the truth.

Pitou wasn’t that bad. Killua came to realise this. He wasn’t sad about her death, but he wasn’t happy about it, either. Especially after he heard Knuckle’s recounting of his fight with Youpi, of how he praised their efforts and spared them when he didn’t have to, of how he wasn’t a bad guy, how he was cool and they could’ve been friends under different circumstances.

Remembering that he had said the exact thing to Ikalgo when they met, and considering what a crying Palm said about the King—how the ultimate being with strength that could’ve single-handedly pulverised humanity only wanted to be by the side of a frail, innocent human girl he loved, Killua couldn’t help but mourn the prospect that whole fight was pointless. Them dying was a waste.

They weren’t bad guys. They could’ve all gotten along well under different circumstances.

Because of his maturing, he grew to appreciate life.

He had no problems killing scumbags, but killing people who were cool, who he could’ve gotten along with and whose only crimes were to be on the opposite side—it left a bad taste in his mouth.

He made another joke to cease his thought process, but for a second time, he got no response.

Then, he finally noticed Gon’s expression was sullen. Killua’s lids dropped sympathetically as he understood.

“What about you…? How are you holding up?”

“Oh, um…” Gon scratched his temple, “good, I guess? I try to not think about it. It’s weird, though. Sometimes I’m just doing something, I’m fine, but if I hear something fall, or just a thud, I get flashes and remember the sound of how it was to crack Pitou’s skull. I just remember the sound of every hit, the blood, and it makes me feel so weird. I convinced myself I wouldn’t feel anything, that she deserved it, but I can’t help remembering how she… and the blind girl… um…” his eyes narrowed in distress. “I… I…”

Suddenly, his eyes widened, and every muscle tensed. As though he’d had a terrible realisation—as though what had transpired that night, what he’d done, the dark hole he fell into, completely hit him.

Understanding this, Killua placed a hand on his shoulder. He stroked it with his thumb, then moved his hand down to rub his arm comfortingly. “It’s okay. Forget I said anything, let’s not talk about that right now.”

Gon nodded, still wide-eyed.

Gon returned to the living room while Killua remained in the open kitchen, and Alluka was already on the game home-screen. “Ah, Gon, look at this!” she waved at him to come close.

Gon feigned a smile and his radiant demeanour expertly.

“Show me, show me!” he cheered as he plopped on the couch next to her.

She passionately showed him videos from the _Just Dance_ game, and what her favourite choreographies were. She hummed to the melodies.

Killua’s eyes softened as he watched them.

He sighed, quite satisfied with both the drink in his hand and the sense of fullness in his heart.

Then, his phone rang.

He grabbed it from his pocket. He didn’t recognise the caller, but he hoped it would be Knuckle, Ikalgo or some of the other guys calling from a different number. He hadn’t talked to them in a while.

“Yeah?” he said coolly.

His eyes blew wide, and his lips curved down with a whimper.

With his incredible hearing, Gon captured the exact moment Killua’s hand completely crushed the can.

Confused, he looked at the kitchen counter, and immediately noticed the panicked expression that overcame Killua. He ignored the video Alluka was showing him, and he was on high alert.

“Look, look at this part, Gon!” Alluka cheered obliviously.

Gon’s worried gaze lingered on Killua, but he looked back at the screen. He agreed with Alluka that what she was showing him was fun, but his head moved again to see Killua’s now disappearing silhouette.

Killua stopped by the window on the other room. He swallowed heavily as he prepared himself.

“How did you get this number?” Killua spat with hostility.

“That’s not important.”

“I’m not up for games, Illumi. Tell me what you want right now, or I’m hanging up.”

“Then I’ll get straight to the point.”

Despite his forthrightness, there was something off about Illumi’s voice. He sounded… tired. Exhausted. Like the energy had been drained off him.

“Killu, I…”

Killua waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. After a few seconds, he put down his phone to see the screen, to confirm whether Illumi was still on the line. He brought it back to his ear.

“Illumi?”

He had to repeat himself several times.

“… I…”

Killua should be growing impatient, but he wasn’t. Instead, he was growing concerned, which vexed him to no ends.

Why did he still even care about him?

“What is it?” he asked, cursing that his tone wasn’t as hostile as he intended for it to be.

“I need… your help.”

“Huh?” Killua arched a brow.

“Or, rather, I need Alluka’s… no, Nanika’s help.”

“What?” Killua grimaced. “What the hell’s that about? Do you think I’m an idiot? I’m not going to just hand her over! I won’t let you—”

“Killu, I don’t intend to hurt or take them away from you. I just need Nanika’s help.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Don’t give me that crap. I won’t let you use Nanika like an item for whatever dirty plans you—”

“Killu!” Illumi yelled sternly, which made Killua jolt. It was firm enough for him to quiet down. “I don’t intend to hurt anyone. I need Nanika’s help, and that’s all it is.”

Killua hesitated.

“… I’m giving you one chance. Talk.”

“I need her… to heal someone. Someone that’s dying and beyond medical help.”

Killua’s brows rose slightly. “… What happened? Is someone from our family hurt?”

“No, no. Everyone’s fine.”

Then who could he possibly want healed? Killua couldn’t understand. And someone beyond medical help? How did that come about? And if they were beyond medical help, how were they still kicking? Did Illumi hurt someone that wasn’t his target, just like Zeno hurt Komugi?

“Then who is it?”

“It’s… a friend.”

“A friend? You!?” Killua grimaced. “Enough of your jokes! Tell me what the hell it is you want Nanika for!”

“It’s not a joke! I’m being serious, and I can’t afford to waste any time!”

Killua was rendered stiff.

He’d never heard so much emotion in Illumi’s voice.

“Killu… they’re going to die. I need Nanika’s help. I only want her to heal him, after that, we’ll go our separate ways. If it makes you feel safer, then I can assure you we’ll never meet again. You won’t have to see me after this.”

“I… I…”

Killua couldn’t find it in himself to continue.

No, he couldn’t. He couldn’t trust Illumi. He **_wanted_** to, shit, he did, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t endanger Alluka and Nanika that way, Illumi was simply too unpredictable.

He heard a heavy sigh on the other end of the line.

“I know…” Illumi mumbled. “You have no reason to want to help me… neither do Alluka or Nanika. I know. And I know you don’t like using Nanika or command her for wishes. In that case, I’ll fulfil whatever requests she wants to make, no matter how impossible they may seem. But after that, she has to keep her own bargain and fulfil my wish.”

Killua was stunned.

Not only was Illumi, for the first time ever, not misgendering Alluka and Nanika, he almost seemed to be humanising them. Was he that desperate for help?

“… Aniki…” Killua frowned, seemingly softening, “who is this person? What are they… to you?”

This angered him.

Who did Illumi have that he cared about so much? How long had they had them for? Illumi had done nothing but plague Killua’s mind with the idea assassins did not have friends, or anyone to care about, so why did Illumi have that?

“That doesn’t matter. Killua, please. I can’t waste any time. It’s not even your choice in the end, but Nanika’s. You don’t get to decide for her, do you? She’s free to **_choose_**.”

This made Killua’s eyes widen.

“So, ask her. Please ask her whether she’ll help me, whether she’ll allow requests for me so I can get my wish. If she says no, I’ll understand. But ask her. That’s all I want from you.”

Wrinkles formed around Killua’s eyes as a deep frown contorted on his expression. His eyes narrowed in distress.

He was desperate to save a friend, the same way Killua had been desperate to save Gon. What was this? This was all wrong. Illumi wasn’t supposed to be capable of healthy, altruistic love.

He wasn’t demanding Killua for anything, he wasn’t even demanding anything of Nanika—he was giving her the choice.

The Illumi he knew would never do that.

Killua’s lips curved down, and his eyes were shadowed. He heard a soft sigh on the other line. Illumi had his arm bent against the wall, and he leaned his forehead on it.

He was so tired.

His droopy eyes looked back at the bed. Hisoka’s chest rose with shallow breaths as he was connected to multiple machines. The inhales from the ventilator and the beeps from the EKG machine echoed softly on the quiet room. Illumi’s abundant aura was connected to Hisoka like a bridge. It enveloped his vulnerable body, and it had made its way inside his nose and parted lips.

The aura had clad itself around his vital organs, keeping them in place. It expanded and contracted to help his heart beat, and for his lungs to continue taking in air.

It was, quite literally, draining the life off Illumi.

He was dizzy, hungry and thirsty.

“Can you come to us? We’re in the city of Svazova,” Killua said.

“I can’t,” Illumi said breathily, “I can’t leave this room.”

He understood how this would sound suspicious to Killua.

“I understand that sounds convenient of me, but it’s not a trick. Bring all of your friends if you want, as many as you feel will be necessary to kill me. If it’ll make you feel safer, do it. But I’ll need you to come to me.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m in Bosgrave. I can send you my location.”

“Bosgrave? Near the Kakin Empire?”

“Yes.”

Killua hesitated.

“We can get there in eight hours. Will that be enough?”

Illumi let out a huge breath of relief, one that surprised Killua.

 _Eight hours…_ he looked back at Hisoka. _Yes, I can hold off for eight more hours!_

“Yes, that’ll be enough, but the sooner you can get here, the better.”

“Okay. We’ll be there.”

Silence.

“… Thank you, Killu,” said Illumi in a surprisingly gentle tone. “I appreciate it.”

Killua’s expression saddened. “I’ll text you.”

Illumi nodded, and Killua hung up.

Killua returned to the living room, where Gon had been anxiously waiting. Alluka was before the television, singing and playing _Just Dance_.

“Killua,” Gon bolted to him, “are you okay? What happened?”

“I… I’ll explain later,” he walked past him. He paused the game, and Alluka looked back at him.

She frowned to reproach. “Onii—”

“Alluka… have you heard of the city of Bosgrave?”

“.. Um…”

“It’s a nice city,” Killua smiled. “There’s a lot to do. I think it’d be cool to go there for a while.”

“But we just got here,” Gon commented, confused.

Then, he realised he probably shouldn’t have said that. If Killua had broken it down in such a childlike way for Alluka, whatever this situation was must be serious, and he didn’t want to worry her.

“I know, but there’s a bunch of cool things I’d like to try there. We can—”

“Onii-chan,” Alluka frowned, and her expression and tone were clearly disappointed.

Not because he was asking them to relocate. Because of something else. Because he was treating her like a baby, because he was breaking things down to her like he would a child. It made her feel underestimated, and like she was too immature and silly to understand things.

Both Killua and Gon realised this at once.

“You don’t have to lie to me,” she said, emphasising her point.

Killua had to give it to her. She was growing up, she wasn’t the little girl she’d been when he returned to her. She was thirteen now, she was maturing, especially now that she’d been unleashed into the world after being locked away.

He couldn’t fool her the way he used to when they’d reunited.

Killua sighed, and his expression saddened slightly.

“Illu-nii… he… he needs help.”

Gon’s and Alluka’s eyes widened.

“Did something happen to him?” Gon asked.

“No, no. Not him. It seems there’s someone that needs to be healed, someone who’s dying.”

Gon looked as confused as Killua had initially been. “Like, um… for a job?”

“He **_cares_** about them,” Killua huffed at Gon in disbelief. “Crazy, right?”

Killua turned to look at Alluka again. “He’s not even… demanding anything. He told me to ask you, or rather, ask Nanika whether she’d be willing to help. He says he’ll fulfil any requests.”

Gon looked nonplussed, and Alluka’s expression was almost indecipherable.

“It’s your choice, it is… but… he sounded really worried, and sad, and…”

Even after everything, Killua still cared about him, Gon thought. He couldn’t believe it. It made him feel glad because of Killua’s humanity, but it truly worried him that one day this would backfire—that it’d make Illumi regain control of him.

Fear and love were powerful enough as separate emotions, but when they were mixed, they could prove far more lethal and destructive.

Killua’s relationship with Illumi was evidence of it.

“Okay,” Alluka said. “Let’s help him.”

Killua’s eyes widened. “Really?”

Alluka nodded.

In thirty seven minutes, they were already in their personal blimp.

Along the way, Killua had texted the number Illumi contacted him with, and in seconds Illumi shared his specific location.

Alluka laughed as her eyes were glued to the tablet screen. She’d been absolutely immersed with anime lately.

Her sporadic laughs aside, the blimp was otherwise silent.

Killua sat by the window. He had his leg brought to his chest. His elbow rested on his knee, and he leaned his chin on his hand as he watched the scenery before them.

Gon noticed the slight worry in his eyes.

He harnessed enough confidence to approach him after some minutes.

“Killua, are you sure about this?” Gon asked with a concerned frown as he sat in front of him. “What if this is just a ploy to—”

“I know… I know. I thought the same thing. But… for some reason…” his eyes narrowed anxiously, “that didn’t seem to be it. He even told me to bring as many friends as I wanted, enough for them to kill him. He’s serious about this, Gon.”

Gon sighed.

“Maybe he’s changed,” Killua put his hand down. “Maybe—”

“No,” Gon intervened rapidly. “Don’t make any assumptions yet. It’s Illumi we’re talking about. When we get there, I’ll go in first and make sure to—”

“Don’t be reckless!” Killua scowled. “You can’t use Nen, and neither can Alluka. But I **_can_** protect the two of you, so don’t go around doing anything stupid. You can’t endanger yourself anymore. It’s not like it was before, Gon. It’s not like with the Troupe, not like Greed Island or even the Ants. You can’t defend yourself as you are. And even if you had Nen, we would still be outmatched by Illumi.”

“That’s not true, your—”

“Illumi’s immune to electricity, too, just like me. I won’t be able to paralyse him, Lightning Palm and Thunderbolt would be useless on him, but that doesn’t mean I can’t defend myself. I **_can_** stand up to him, but things change with the two of you. If it comes to it, I’ll just grab you both and use Godspeed. That’s why I’ll assess the situation first. And if matters are even worse than we think, we can just tell Nanika to bring us back to Svazova.”

Gon frowned as he looked down.

Weak. He felt so weak.

“It’ll be fine,” Killua smiled, kicking Gon playfully, and Gon looked up at him. “I’m sure it won’t get to that anyway. There’s nothing to worry about, we’re the ones with the advantage.”

Gon stared at Killua, but after a moment, he smiled.

He nodded.

**X**

Illumi squeezed the rag to completely drain the water until it was damp. With one hand, he pulled up Hisoka’s hair out of the way, while with the right one he dabbed his forehead to cool him.

The fever wasn’t going down at all.

With an uncomfortable moan, Illumi tilted his head back and moved his neck to stretch it. He left the rag on Hisoka’s forehead, then took it off after some time.

When his phone vibrated, he reached for it with lightning speed.

The words in the text message felt like a heavenly choir, like somehow help had arrived to rescue him from a seemingly bottomless well he’d been stuck in for what felt like centuries.

Illumi rushed down the hall to open the main door. When he did, Killua’s first reaction was to put his arm protectively over Gon and Alluka. Illumi’s aura reflexively made him release his own, but he quickly came to understand it wasn’t threatening.

Then, he was, above all, shocked by Illumi’s current state.

He slowly lowered his arm as his mouth and eyes opened wide.

“… Aniki!” he called out with a baffled frown. “What happened to you!?”

Despite the lifelessness in his eyes, Illumi had always been quite a beautiful young man. Everyone described him as such. Even during the final stage of the exam, Satotz had described him this way to Gon.

But, right now, he wasn’t the beautiful Illumi he’d always been. He didn’t have the looks Kikyo had always prided herself in.

He looked exhausted, like life had been, quite literally, drained from him. His normally large eyes were tired and half-lidded, and his parted lips were dry. He also seemed to have lost weight.

“Follow me,” Illumi turned to walk, and they reluctantly did.

Killua signalled for them to keep their distance as he led, and he analysed the building to scour all possible exits and escape routes.

The pressure seemed to gradually increase the closer they got to their destination. When Illumi pushed the door open, the three felt it, but only Killua saw it.

The immense, purple aura surrounding the figure on the bed.

It wasn’t threatening, but its sheer size and strength baffled Killua. Illumi’s aura had always been exceedingly sinister and strong, but he didn’t know how **_much_** of it there could be.

He shouldn’t be surprised, he supposed.

Illumi’s bloodlust could be felt from, at a minimum, hundreds of metres away.

They approached the bedside.

Gon and Killua loudly gasped simultaneously while their eyes blew as wide as saucers.

“… That’s!”

“Hisoka!” Gon cried out.

They didn’t know what to be more stunned by. To see a juggernaut like Hisoka in this moribund state, or the fact he was the person Illumi was desperate to save.

To say he was in a terrible state was an understatement.

There were burns all over his body. His left hand was missing, as was his right foot. His nose, too, was ripped off. There were also visible cuts.

What the hell had happened to him?

They looked at Illumi, who was frowning very slightly at Hisoka. In concern.

“… Are you hurt?” Killua approached him warily.

“No,” Illumi said curtly.

Killua swallowed heavily. “Have you been keeping him alive with your Nen? Is that why you’re… like this?”

Illumi ignored him.

He kneeled before Alluka to get on eye-level.

“Alluka,” he called, resting his hand on his knee. “Please hurry. Make Nanika’s requests so I can get the wish.”

Alluka blinked at him inquisitively.

This was the young man that’d wanted her and Nanika dead. He’d gone out of his way to make it happen. And, after finding out Nanika could grant wishes without severe repercussions, he wanted to control her rather than killing her.

So, why didn’t she or Nanika hate him?

Were they simply incapable of feeling such rotten emotions?

Now that she’d been out in the world and had the chance to mature a little, she understood his concern over Nanika’s power.

And, in the end, he was still her older brother.

He may have never considered her family, but Alluka was not like that. She was **_not_** like him. To her, Illumi was family.

“There’s no need for that,” she shook her head.

“… What?” Illumi’s brows rose.

“Tell her what your friend’s name is, and ask her to heal him.”

“… But—”

Alluka closed her eyes. Her hair waved as black aura exuded off her frail body. Dark eyelashes and thin lips were replaced by mantles of black. Then, those closed, dark orbs opened into pure black to bear into Illumi’s own black eyes.

Her small hands reached out to Illumi.

“Hand… hand,” she said.

Illumi was stunned for a few seconds. The only sound in the room was Hisoka’s inhales through the ventilator, and the slow beeping from the EKG machine.

He stood up, and he held Nanika’s small hand to guide her with him.

Killua and Gon followed behind, still stunned by both Hisoka’s state and the fact Illumi cared deeply about him.

Perhaps Hisoka had gotten in a fight and had paid Illumi to heal him, but that did not make sense at all. Illumi would never go out of his way to do something like this, not even for hefty amounts of cash.

It wasn’t an assassin’s business.

So… Illumi cared about him. It was that simple.

They couldn’t believe it. They just couldn’t.

Illumi let go of Nanika’s hand and slowly reached out to Hisoka’s. Killua paid strong attention to Illumi’s expression.

His deceivingly delicate hand held Hisoka’s with surprising tenderness and care. Some fingers seemed to be broken, and the skin was burnt.

Illumi brought it up, and his throat tightened as he swallowed heavily.

“… Nanika,” he called. “Please heal Hisoka.”

Nanika looked up at him. “… ‘Kay!”

She reached out both hands as her gaze moved to Hisoka. She cupped his large hand with her smaller ones, and white light emanated from the contact. It expanded two to three metres around Hisoka’s frame, and it completely lit the room.

Illumi’s mouth opened. He blinked as he saw how Hisoka’s injuries reverted into a healthy state.

Slowly, he put away his aura, and Killua noticed him sigh in relief.

As though he’d stopped feeling some sort of draining pain.

Hisoka’s missing appendages regenerated. He had no make-up, and his hair was layered down, just like he’d been in Greed Island. He looked rather peaceful, and he was a handsome man, the two boys recognised. It was a shame he was such a murderous, perverted creep.

The beeping from the EKG machine and the breathing through the ventilator became far more consistent. Hisoka’s vitals were now perfectly stable, and Illumi blinked repeatedly in surprise.

“’Kay!” Nanika smiled at him when she was done.

Illumi leaned to Hisoka’s face. He placed a hand on his forehead, and he moved it up to get the hair out of his face.

“Hisoka?” he called.

“It’ll take him a few minutes to wake up,” Killua said, recalling Gon’s healing. “But he’s fine now.”

Illumi looked back at the three of them. Then, he looked away, and he sighed again, so softly it was almost imperceptible to them.

He looked exhausted, but relieved.

“… Nanika,” Killua called, and they looked at him. “Before you go to sleep… heal Illumi, too.”

“… What?” Illumi’s eyes widened.

“You’ve given him too much of your aura,” he said. “You were practically draining yourself off your life energy. Weren’t you?”

Illumi didn’t say anything, and Gon alternated between looking at them.

Nanika interrupted the silence.

“Hand… hand,” she reached out to Illumi.

A nonplussed Illumi gave her his hand.

White light expanded from her small hand as she rested it atop Illumi’s.

Illumi let out a surprised groan as he felt warmth travelling across his body. His eyes weren’t drowsy, his face was as young and beautiful as it’d always been, and he regained the fifteen pounds he’d lost.

He felt completely rejuvenated.

“… ‘Kay!” Nanika waved at him. She then turned around. “Killua! Pat my head!”

She leaped into his arms. “Of course I will…” he smiled as he stroked her hair. “You did amazing, Nanika. Thank you.”

Nanika giggled, and she gradually grew limp in his arms.

Illumi expanded his aura, and he lifted his palms to curiously look at them.

He felt stronger than ever.

He slowly put off his aura as he looked at Killua. He seemed surprised. “I… didn’t get to thank her.”

“I’ll relay your gratitude,” Killua said as he lifted Nanika to carry her more comfortably.

Illumi and Killua shared a look.

Gon looked between them, until his gaze lingered on Illumi. “What…” Illumi looked at him, “what happened to Hisoka?” he asked

“It’s a long story,” Illumi looked at the sleeping Hisoka, then at them.

“Then summarise it,” Killua said.

Illumi stared blankly at them. Then, he gave in. He supposed he owed an explanation after they decided to graciously help him.

“Hisoka was a fake member of the Troupe, I presume you know that already.”

They nodded.

“After lifting your friend’s curse with a Nen exorcist, he had a deathmatch with Chrollo, but he was arrogant and allowed Chrollo to pick the place, time and all the conditions in his favour. He got himself killed, but was able to come back.”

Their eyes widened.

“Like a Nen contract?” Gon asked.

“Yes… not like the one you made to defeat the King’s top soldier, it was different, but it allowed him to come back. His loss gave him a wakeup call.”

“Did he lose to Chrollo again, then?” Killua asked.

“No… he killed two of the Troupe members that lent their powers to Chrollo. This made Chrollo and the rest of the Troupe hunt him down, though this is what Hisoka wanted.”

They looked even more confused.

Illumi sighed, and he recounted everything to them.

The Black Whale, how Hisoka had hired him to join the Troupe. The fight.

It shocked Gon and Killua beyond belief. For a brief moment, they felt immense concern to know all of this transpired while Kurapika and Leorio were in the very same ship.

And Killua finally learned his youngest brother had joined the Troupe.

“So, you were a double agent…” Killua looked down pensively. “That means—”

“Hisoka said that if he died, you’d collect a reward. You said everything under his name, everything he owns would go to you,” Gon frowned. “… Why? If he died, how would you get all that? Did he leave his things in a place where you can pick them up? And in that case, you could’ve just taken everything without involving yourself in this. Why would you get involved? You didn’t have to risk your life,” he sounded accusatory. “So, why did you?”

Illumi blinked repeatedly.

Stupid kid, he thought. Making this more uncomfortable than it needs to be.

Curiously, it was very strange of Gon to ask such questions to begin with. He didn’t need to be told such things. It was like when Phinks’ and Feitan’s first reactions to Pakunoda meeting Kurapika alone were to believe she was being manipulated. They didn’t think she was doing it to save a friend.

It had been utterly obvious to Gon.

This situation was similar.

So… why? He asked himself. Why was he even asking those questions? The answer was clear. So, so clear.

“Illumi… what is he to you?” Killua asked a second time.

“I already told you through the phone that he’s a friend. That’s all there is to it.”

Gon didn’t like having his questions ignored. “I didn’t know you and Hisoka were friends,” he commented. “So… all those terrible things you told Killua in the Hunter Exam,” his brows creased accusatorily, “you said all those things, you accused him of all those things while you freely did the same!”

“Gon… stop,” Killua said softly.

Gon frowned. They looked at Killua.

Killua had been looking down. His eyes were shadowed, and so they couldn’t tell what he was thinking, much less feeling. Time seemed to have stopped entirely.

Until he moved again.

“Gon, can you take Alluka for me?” he finally looked up.

“Y… yeah,” Gon said, not wasting any time.

“You can wait for us outside.”

Gon frowned in concern. “Are you sure?”

He didn’t want to leave him alone with Illumi. Even after everything, Gon knew Killua was still afraid of him. Nowhere near as before, but the fear was still there.

“It’s okay,” Killua smiled comfortingly.

Gon hesitated, but he agreed.

He pushed the door open and left the room.

… How long had they been in silence for?

“So, you killed the Troupe, huh?” Killua awkwardly burrowed his hands in his pockets.

Illumi nodded.

“I wonder what Father would say. That’s a pretty big feat. Think he’ll be proud?”

“Proud of **_me_**? I doubt it.”

They shared a long look. Then, Killua’s lids dropped softly. “So, you’re not heartless… that’s weird to know.”

Silence lingered, and Killua shoved his hands deeper into his pockets.

“… Thank you, Killu,” Illumi said, and Killua’s eyes widened at him. “You had no reason to help me… neither did Alluka and Nanika. But you all did. I appreciate it.”

“Does that mean you won’t bother us anymore? You’ll finally give up on trying to control Alluka?”

“Of course,” Illumi nodded. “I don’t have any interest in that anymore.”

“… G-good,” Killua scratched his head awkwardly. “I wouldn’t want another needle in my head. And it’d be annoying having to try to kill you. I have better things to do.”

Illumi’s face was as impassive as ever.

Then, he closed his eyes with a huff.

Killua’s eyes widened at him.

Illumi’s smirk expanded into a smile, and he chuckled until his shoulders shook. Killua seemed in utter disbelief at this display of genuine emotion.

“You’re right,” Illumi smiled with a gentle air to him Killua had never felt before. “We both have a reason to live now, so fighting is pointless.”

Killua’s mouth opened as his eyes fluttered.

“I’m tired of killing, too,” Illumi tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. “So, I think I’ll be retiring now.”

“W-what!?” Killua barked as his brows creased in disbelief. “What the hell do you mean? You’re the one always blabbering about the family business and how important it is!”

“I guess I’ve learned to think a little for myself, and I’ve realised I don’t want the lifestyle that was forced on me. I doubt our parents and grandpa will leave me scot free, they won’t give me the freedom you have. But I’ve made my peace with that.”

“W… what do you mean? Illu-nii, you can’t mean—”

Illumi bent his arm and pointed at the sleeping Hisoka with his thumb. “The idiot owes me one anyway.”

“… You’ll fight Father and grandpa?” Killua frowned in disbelief.

“I’d much rather avoid that, but if it’s inevitable, yes.”

 _Illumi, you can’t…_ his pupils quivered in concern. _I mean, sure… if he could take on the entire Phantom Troupe, he can obviously face our old man, even more so if Hisoka tags along. That’s not the problem. The matter is what after that? What if our old man doesn’t concede? If he doesn’t let him go? Killing between family members is prohibited. Does that mean Illumi is willing to strip his name as a Zoldyck?_

“Illumi… what is he to you?” Killua asked for the third time with a frown.

“That’s not important,” Illumi shook his head.

“No, it **_is_** important,” Killua rose his voice, and his frown turned into an accusatory scowl. “What the hell does he have that makes you this way!? This kind… this… **_gentle_**!?” he grimaced like he’d tasted something sour, and his increasing anger surprised Illumi. “How can you be this way for him, for that murderous lunatic!? How can you be something for him that you never were for me!?”

Illumi looked uncomfortable.

Then, they heard a groan. They both perked up.

Illumi turned to look. He calmly walked over to Hisoka’s bedside, and Killua was hidden metres behind him. After a few seconds, Hisoka’s eyes opened slowly. He took in his surroundings, and there was silence for thirty seconds. His golden eyes widened at the sight of Illumi once he noticed him, and his pupils quivered.

In relief, in joy of him being alive.

Hisoka took off the breathing mask.

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He wanted to jump to him, to hold him, but he didn’t.

He merely smiled cheekily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! Please leave kudos and/or a comment if you did, it'd mean so much to me! Bookmarks are always lovingly appreciated, too.
> 
> SO, this was intended to be a short one-shot, but for some reason it turned out long as hell. I didn't want to post a really long one-shot, so I decided to split it, which is why the ending for this chapter may feel a little awkward or out of place. 
> 
> Anyway, this marks the start of my new series: _The Book of HisoIllu._ I intend to swarm the HisoIllu tag with HisoIllu fics :3 please feel free to request prompts!
> 
> For those that don't remember, "Illu-nii" is basically "big brother Illumi" which is how Killua and Milluki respectfully address Illumi throughout the series, so it's not that I'm misspelling his name. Same goes for "aniki," which is "big brother."
> 
> Smut is in chapter two. If you're here just for that, you'll get it soon enough. 
> 
> If you're interested in sending prompts for me to write, or make requests, here's my [Tumblr](https://bipabrena.tumblr.com/ask) and [Twitter.](https://twitter.com/AMorteToMal)


	2. Change

“My, what a delightful way to start the day, ♥” Hisoka said hoarsely. “Don’t you look lovely today? ♦”

“… You survived,” Illumi said impassively. “What a shame.”

“Ah, but how could I not! ♥” Hisoka sat up. “I couldn’t leave this world without seeing you one last time. And who’s going to take care of you, hm? ♣”

“I can look after myself just fine.”

“That’s not what I meant… ♥” he purred.

Killua’s eyes widened.

Then, he watched as Hisoka’s head snapped to the side when Illumi struck him with the back of his fist.

“… Oh… ♥” Hisoka’s eyes half-lidded with a wide smile as he held the spot.

Illumi had restrained himself, but the blow was still strong enough to leave a scratch and solid stinging across Hisoka’s face. An exciting reminder of Illumi’s tremendous strength. Hisoka shuddered.

He and Illumi shared a look. Then, Illumi’s expression softened, and while Hisoka still smiled, he seemed to become less playful and more serious.

“How did you heal me? I was sure I was dead for good this time.”

Killua felt he was intruding, and so he felt it was time for him to leave. He’d helped Illumi, so his job was done.

He’d activated Zetsu from the moment he heard the groan, so him slipping out wouldn’t raise any alarms. Then, Hisoka moved his head and he finally caught sight of him. He hadn’t before, as Illumi had been covering him completely.

“… Oh?” Hisoka’s brows rose. “Did your little brother come to visit me? Now that’s unexpected.”

“… Tch,” Killua looked away.

“I didn’t even notice you were there. You hide yourself so well…” his eyes narrowed. “Or maybe I was just too distracted by something far more tantalising. ♥” He looked at Illumi.

Killua finally understood the situation, and he blushed in embarrassment. He frowned in horror. “Cut that out, Hisoka! You’re so uncomfortable!”

Hisoka’s shoulders shook in laughter. Then, he stood from the bed.

He ripped out all the needles connected to his arms. The sounds from the EKG machine ceased completely, and he stood up. Reflexively, Killua took a step back warily.

“How bad was I?” he asked seriously, stretching his arm as he held his shoulder.

“Pretty bad,” Illumi said simply.

“… How did you heal me?”

Hisoka then looked at the uncomfortable Killua. It didn’t take long for him to connect the dots. He looked at Illumi, almost in understanding.

Surprisingly, Hisoka frowned.

He went to those lengths for him?

“Oh… I see.”

There was an awkward silence neither of the three knew how to break.

Then, Killua noticed the way Hisoka had been looking at Illumi. His eyes were half-lidded tenderly, and his golden eyes gleamed with an unspoken emotion. It wasn’t difficult to decipher for Killua.

Because he looked at Gon the same way.

… How long had this been going on for?

“I believe we’re done here,” Illumi spoke up abruptly. “Killu, I thank you again. I’m indebted to you all. Please relay my gratitude to Alluka and Nanika once they awaken, and if you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to call.”

Killua nodded.

His body moved, but he didn’t want it to. He didn’t want to leave, not yet.

Because Illumi still didn’t answer his question.

What did Hisoka have? What did that creep have that made Illumi love him selflessly, gently—something he hadn’t done with Killua?

He was capable of healthy, altruistic love. Killua knew that much now.

So, why did Illumi never show it to him? It angered him so much. It made him feel so worthless. As much as he loathed to admit it, as his mentor and teacher, Illumi was all he had as a child. His parents and grandfather had pushed the responsibility of raising Killua to Illumi, a child himself. During his gruelling training, Illumi was the one who pushed him to ghastly lengths, the one that made every muscle in his body ache, he was the reason for his pain—but he was also the one that held him in his arms and praised him when he was done.

He was his big brother. He loved him.

And he wanted Illumi to love him in a healthy manner. He didn’t want to be controlled, he didn’t want to fear him—he wanted to have a healthy relationship with him.

He always found solace in the prospect that he wasn’t the problem, and that Illumi was simply incapable of altruism; he was only capable of twisted, self-serving love.

But now he knew that wasn’t the case.

Why? Why Hisoka? Why not him? **_He_** was his family, **_he_** was his little brother. Not that perverted clown. So… why the hell couldn’t he love Killua like that!? Why couldn’t he love Alluka like that? Why did he want to turn his own siblings into puppets while he was willing to go to these lengths for Hisoka’s life and freedom?

His nails dug into his palms as he walked to the door and the two accompanied him.

They all stopped when they found Gon in the hall, running away. Then, he turned to look at them with panicked eyes, like he’d been caught doing something forbidden.

“Gon?” Killua’s eyes were wide.

So, he’d listened to everything, Illumi thought.

“I… hehe… hello!” he smiled apologetically. He would’ve scratched his nape awkwardly had Alluka not been in his arms.

“Idiot!” Killua punched his head.

“Ow…” Gon frowned.

Who could blame him? The last person in the world Gon would want Killua to be in a room with was Illumi.

“Ah, what unexpected visitors, ♥” Hisoka swayed his hip as he placed his hand on it. “There’s something quite different about you, Gon, but I can’t tell what it is,” he cupped his chin inquisitively. “I feel like I’m missing something very basic here. ♦”

Gon swallowed heavily. He couldn’t tell him, he didn’t know whether that’d make him a broken toy in Hisoka’s eyes, and so he’d attack him. He couldn’t defend himself or Alluka from him like this.

“That’s none of your business,” Killua belligerently bumped into him. “Let’s go now, Gon.”

“Y… yeah…”

Gon left the building, while Killua hesitated as he stood below the doorframe of the main door. He turned to look at Illumi.

His gaze was strong, and his eyes were unblinking.

“…?” Illumi blinked at him in confusion.

He was surprised, and far more confused when Killua’s eyes saddened. He left without a word.

Illumi then felt something warm in his hand. He looked to find Hisoka had intertwined their fingers, and he rested his chin on Illumi’s shoulder. His eyes were half-lidded fondly, and his lips were curved in the slightest of smiles.

“… You went through all that trouble for me… ♥” he muttered. He stroked Illumi’s thumb with his own. “Please tell me you didn’t have to fulfil any heavy requests…?” he asked with genuine concern.

“No,” Illumi shook his head, allowing his hand to be held. “For some reason, Alluka and Nanika decided to help without asking for anything.”

“I’m surprised you managed to make Killua trust you enough to come here.”

“I guess he understood I was sincere about my intentions.”

Hisoka sighed long and soft.

“… Illumi…” he cooed, moving his head down. He pressed a soft kiss on his shoulder as he squeezed his hand. “Illumi,” he repeated, but he didn’t seem to be calling his name to ask for anything.

He just felt like saying it. He just liked how his name rolled off his lips, he just liked Illumi’s name.

He pulled Illumi’s hand to break distance between them, and force him to turn around. He buried his face on the crook of Illumi’s neck, and he inhaled deeply to take in his scent. He shuddered. Then, his other hand held onto Illumi’s waist, and he tugged his shirt to bring him even closer. He nuzzled the soft skin on Illumi’s neck, grazing with his cold nose and lips.

He let go of his hand to cup Illumi’s waist, then trailed both down to his hips, and made a final move to cup his firm rear.

He pulled him close, and he just held him close as his hands wandered his body of lithe muscle.

He shuddered again, and Illumi liked that.

He really loved when Hisoka shuddered from simply having him close.

Then, the redhead pulled back when hearing a rumbling noise coming from that taut belly. “When was the last time you ate?”

“I could eat,” Illumi elected to say, rather than answer the question.

He went back to the room. Illumi grabbed all their belongings, and soon after they went to a diner. Illumi had three courses, and as he ate with poise, Hisoka could only watch with unblinking eyes, holding his fork to his mouth.

He was like a bottomless pit.

And yet he didn’t eat like a pig. He was very graceful, he simply ate... quite substantially.

It made Hisoka shudder again.

After they were done eating, Illumi called and booked a suite in a hotel eight miles from their location. It was called the Grand Gala Hotel, and it held both one of the best restaurants in the region, and a beach resort called the Palm Vaults. As they walked, Hisoka commented he felt stronger than ever, and Illumi commented the same. When asked why, Illumi said nothing, but Hisoka probed.

Illumi ended up telling Hisoka what he’d done to keep him alive while he found alternatives to save him.

Hisoka shuddered yet again.

They decided to run, not at full speed, but fast enough, and they covered the eight miles in six minutes, though it would've been much faster had they known the route with anticipation.

Their suite was ready, and they unpacked their few belongings. They went to the café near the restaurant, and had desserts and hot beverages. They sat at a window that had view to the sea as they welcomed night-time.

They lounged at a hot tub, and were back at their suite by 22:00 P.M.

Illumi was the first to take a long, hot bath. Hisoka watched a Heaven’s Arena match-up while he waited. He stood in the middle of the room to not dirty their bed or the walls, as he hadn’t showered in days. When Illumi emerged from the bathroom, he had a white robe, and he dried his hair with a towel. He plopped on the bed, and Hisoka was the next to bathe.

Illumi blow-dried his hair into smooth, silky warmth. It was soft and shiny by the time he was done. He turned off the television and elected to read a book. He lay on his stomach, and his legs were lifted and crossed as he read. His head faced the foot of the bed, and his eyes darted from side to side.

After twenty minutes, the door opened, and Hisoka emerged from the bathroom.

As always, he wasn’t modest in the slightest. He was completely naked, and merely had a towel on his right hand to dry his hair with. Illumi briefly looked from his book.

Fuck. What a goddamn man. It was illegal.

His eyes nonchalantly trailed down to the book again. Hisoka blow-dried his hair. After he was done, Illumi decided it was time to sleep. He moved up the bed, his head now above the pillows, and left the book on the nightstand.

He turned off the lamp, leaving the room lit only by the moonlight that made its way through the balcony’s window. He was going to roll onto his back to slide underneath the warm covers when he felt a strong but gentle hand cup his ankle.

He was tugged, and the mattress pushed down slightly as Hisoka pressed a knee against it.

Illumi immediately felt his warm hand slide inside the robe, and stroked from his thigh up. With the other, he undid the knot, and opened the fabric to expose Illumi’s strong, pale body.

At the same time, a gentle kiss was placed on his temple.

The potent intoxicant that was Hisoka’s short affections had an immediate, irresistible effect on Illumi. With a soft sigh, he turned around and comfortably placed his head on the pillows as he cupped Hisoka’s cheek and brought their lips together. In no time, the robe had been sent flying.

Illumi wrapped his legs around Hisoka’s waist as he knocked himself out. Enjoying his partner’s touch and body, Illumi freely and rhythmically moved his lips with Hisoka’s. He licked the seam of his lips and slid his tongue inside as they both got drunk with their kisses.

Hisoka shuddered, and Illumi just loved it.

He held the back of Illumi’s head, and his fingers circled Illumi’s growing hardness, tweaking and teasing him to full erection. His hand delightfully stroked him, and the feeling of Illumi growing hard in his hand was enough to make his body shudder in such a way he let out a little breath.

He’d been hard himself from the moment he finished drying his hair.

He pulled back for a brief moment just to look at Illumi.

His eyes, his delicate, beautiful features. His soft, pale skin shimmered under the moonlight, and his thumb stroked Hisoka’s cheek. Hisoka felt his heart thump against his chest. He closed his fingers around Illumi’s wrist, and he stroked the soft skin with his thumb.

The eye contact was strong. Hisoka’s eyes were wide, and his lips parted. He observed Illumi with a tenderness neither had ever deemed Hisoka capable of.

“Thank you,” he cooed with sincerity.

Illumi nodded.

He kissed Illumi’s hand. Then he kissed his wrist, and he moved down his arm until he reached his lips. Their mouths moved slowly, and the world fell away. Hisoka kissed him deeply, sucking Illumi’s lower lip between his own, his tongue gliding over it.

He traced his left hand across his chest, grazing the hardened buttons of flesh.

Then, he moved down to dive into Illumi’s neck. He peppered him with kisses that sent sparks of desire through both of them. Illumi moved his head up to allow Hisoka better access, and he sighed softly in delight. Hisoka’s hand teased his nipples, amplifying Illumi’s reaction. Every kiss he pressed against his neck made Illumi shiver with arousal.

He felt Illumi’s ragged breathing beneath his fingertips while gently sucking on the flesh of his neck. His lips trailed lower, diverting his attention to his pecs.

He found a nipple, and his tongue lapped at the sensitive, button of flesh.

Illumi’s hands skimmed down Hisoka’s strong back, his breathy moans encouraging Hisoka to please continue.

And continue he did.

His tongue lapped down his abdomen, licking every indent of his strong muscles. Hisoka felt Illumi’s belly heave in fast and hard breaths with every affection he placed. Then, he pulled back to look at Illumi again.

“I feared we wouldn’t get to do this again,” he admitted. “I let revenge get the better of me. I enjoyed the Spiders’ deaths, but I don’t think it was worth the effort. If you didn’t have a wish granting sister, I wouldn’t be able to be with you anymore. I put you through too much trouble. I regret that.”

Surprisingly, he very slightly frowned in guilt. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Illumi said. “I understand.”

“It’s not fine,” Hisoka insisted. “I’m grateful you understand, but it’s not fine. I’ll be the one taking care of you from now on, okay?”

“I’ve been thinking about what you told me that day,” Illumi diverted.

“What day?”

“After the auction.”

Hisoka’s brows rose in surprise. “It’s been two years since that happened.”

“Yes… and I shrugged you off, but I’ve thought about it now,” he wrapped his arms around Hisoka’s neck. “I’ll leave my family.”

“You will?” Hisoka’s eyes widened. He spoke with surprise and eagerness. “Or is this another one of your cruel jokes?”

“We can talk about that later. For now…” Illumi moved up to kiss each of Hisoka’s cheeks. Then, he moved to his lips, bringing Hisoka very close to him. The placidness of the kiss quickly progressed from soft and gentle to frantic and ardent.

Hisoka utterly melted in Illumi’s affections. His dick felt like it’d explode.

He moaned into Illumi’s mouth, then pulled back for air. His eyes were wild with lust.

His lips moved to nibble and lick Illumi’s earlobe. He trailed his tongue down his chiselled jaw, then kissed his throat, moving his head under Illumi’s chin. He moved to the side and sucked his neck over the pulse point. He moved up again until he reached Illumi’s mouth, claiming his lips in a searing kiss that had both men thrusting each other, rubbing their groins together.

Hisoka plunged his tongue inside. Teasing, caressing. Illumi moaned into his mouth, one of those low moans that made everything inside the redhead tremble. He gripped Illumi’s ass, stroking and opening the cheeks as they slid their dicks together. Their hearts were ramming in their chests.

He kissed him down and down, until his chin bumped into a hard cock. Hard, big, beautiful. Hisoka stroked it with his hand, bringing his lips to the head.

His breath was warm against Illumi’s dick, and Illumi gently held Hisoka’s hair as he looked down at him with delighted eyes.

Hisoka eased his knees over Illumi’s ankles, and he leaned down. He held the shaft with the right amount of pressure, taking it towards Illumi’s strong abdomen. His mouth suckled at the sack, sending a lash of pleasure through Illumi’s body. His hand moved on the wide shaft, stroking it in gradually growing rhythms as his lips stretched around the balls. He swished them in his mouth, then let go, licking upwards the shaft. He drenched the length with saliva. Then, his tongue lashed beneath the head, rubbing at the sensitive underside. He was rewarded with a bead of precum. He lapped the salty drops, flattening his tongue over the slit, pressing gently.

Illumi’s head dropped back with a low moan of pleasure. As Hisoka stroked the balls and took more of him into his mouth, Illumi hissed out a low breath.

Hisoka relaxed his muscles and slid down, until that precious head hit the back of his throat. Illumi tightened his grip on that soft bed of red hair. Hisoka sucked gently, slid up and down, and he felt the pulsing of the reddened member, throbbing with a life of its own. Throughout his mouth, he increased the rhythm, raising his hands from Illumi’s firm thighs to his chest, stroking him.

They then descended to Illumi’s ass.

The salty taste of dripping precum invaded Hisoka’s mouth, and every lick was addictive to him. Sensing Illumi was close to coming, he pulled back.

Illumi immediately brought him up for a kiss.

They exchanged Illumi’s taste as Hisoka carried his flavour into his mouth with his tongue. Illumi could feel Hisoka quivering in his arms.

He’d barely been touched, but he was stimulated plenty.

Illumi’s presence was strong like that.

He moved up to watch Illumi again. He just wanted to see him, and Illumi was not confused by the silent staring. He knew, though didn’t understand why, that Hisoka often enjoyed watching him without a word. So, Illumi allowed him to do it.

Hisoka contemplated everything they’d been through.

He truly regretted the awkward position he forced Illumi into. He was so bent on revenge, on rebuilding his wounded pride that he overlooked Illumi’s feelings.

He merely hired him so he could take Kalluto away from the conflict, but he didn’t stop to think that Illumi would actually get involved in the fight for him. He simply didn’t think things through, he didn’t figure Illumi cared about him that much. Their relationship had always been a little one-sided, with Hisoka showing most interest, while Illumi went along with it.

If the roles had been reversed, Hisoka rushing to Illumi’s side to help him fight would’ve been only natural and beyond expected, but Illumi doing the same wasn’t. It made Hisoka truly contemplate their relationship.

Illumi sought nothing but his family’s approval. It’s what he lived for, even though he wasn’t shown it. Hisoka knew this. It’s all Illumi cared about. Because of it, Hisoka had no reason to believe he was **_that_** important to Illumi.

It’d always made him jealous, frankly. Illumi’s selfless love and loyalty to his family, and to Hisoka’s anger, it wasn’t even reciprocated. Illumi was convinced he was merely a tool for his parents, but he never complained. He never complained about feeling unimportant. He’d said this so casually, so nonchalantly to Hisoka during one of their hangouts.

 _“I don’t mind being worthless in their eyes,”_ is one of the things he’d aloofly said. _“I live to serve,”_ was another.

It’d stunned Hisoka. It’d rendered him speechless.

To know Illumi was **_convinced_** he was unloved, unwanted and unappreciated, but still did not mind because of his selfless love, hurt Hisoka.

Because he wasn’t.

He wasn’t unloved, unwanted or unappreciated. He was someone’s most special person, and that was Hisoka’s.

After that night, Hisoka made sure to show it in little ways. In ways that showed Illumi he was cared for, but without Hisoka seeming sappy or overly sentimental. Little texts, more hang-outs and subtle compliments, things that gradually turned a little deeper, things that anyone who bothered to look could tell with great ease.

Illumi never got the cue, though. He’d been so starved for love that it was a foreign thing to him, and he couldn’t recognise when he got it.

Hence Hisoka’s suggestion they ran away and started anew after the auction.

Illumi had contemplated it, it’d sounded tantalising, but his loyalty towards his family preceded his wishes. 

So much had happened since then. And now here they were.

He moved down and lifted Illumi’s legs to hold him open.

His palm stroked the smooth underside of Illumi’s needy dick before guiding his mouth and licking over the puffy head once more. Illumi sighed softly as Hisoka licked the head in swirls, gently sucking the precum.

Illumi moaned as Hisoka pushed his dick further into his mouth. His grip on Hisoka’s hair was harder, and Hisoka’s hand slid between Illumi’s ass cheeks.

He lifted Illumi’s legs, and leaned closer to swipe his tongue over the crease of his ass. Jolting from the sensation, Illumi felt compelled to open his legs wider. He bit his lip, feeling immense expectation welling in him.

A man as gorgeous as Hisoka between his legs was the most erotic thing Illumi had ever seen.

No, not a man **_as_** gorgeous as Hisoka.

Hisoka. Just seeing Hisoka.

Spreading the cheeks wide, Hisoka had perfect view of that little hole. He slid the tip of his tongue inside. Illumi’s ass tightened as Hisoka circled with his tongue, licking and nibbling. His tongue travelled in all directions, and the texture of his warm, skilful tongue brought indescribable pleasure to Illumi.

Hisoka held him open with one hand, and worked his dick with the other as his tongue wandered his velvet canal.

Washed with overwhelming sensations, Illumi let out a moan that drove Hisoka mad. He spread his legs wider, encouraging Hisoka with his increasing cries.

It’d taken years, but Illumi had grown more vocal in bed.

Worth the tough effort, Hisoka would say.

Hisoka reached deep within Illumi, jabbing in and out, his hand holding Illumi’s round ass to steady him. Illumi’s thighs began shaking, and Hisoka saw his knuckles turn white from how hard he now clenched the sheets.

He pulled out, leaning back to find what could only be described as a delicious mess of a quivering man.

“Hisoka,” Illumi wrapped his legs around him and kissed him frantically, “I want you. Shit, I want you…”

“Yeah?” Hisoka muttered against his lips.

“Yes…”

“Mm…”

Hisoka inhaled deeply to take in Illumi’s cherry blossom scent. A surprisingly delicate scent for a man of such tremendous strength. It made him shudder. He **_loved_** that scent. It was like an aphrodisiac to Hisoka—sometimes smelling Illumi was enough to make him pop a boner.

Illumi felt heat radiate off him, and he trembled under his soft but generous touch. They shared a kiss, and Hisoka moved on.

He paused to lubricate him properly.

He hooked his arm under Illumi’s leg, and he moved up so their faces could meet. He was holding him wide open, and his other, more daring hand travelled to a far more intimate spot.

With a sharp inhale, he leaned down to give Illumi a slow, searing kiss.

He wasn’t doing too much, but the compromising position, and feeling Hisoka’s body on top of him, was enough to elicit heated, overwhelming reactions out of Illumi. He panted as he hugged Hisoka tight, famished for further connection. Nearly losing him, seeing him in the brink of death made him long for him more than ever.

Hisoka’s daring finger slid between his ass, until it found that sweet, puckering hole. He teased the opening in circles. He teased and teased, then nudged, until that daring finger popped through.

A tiny tremble flooded through Illumi. He melted into Hisoka’s body, pressing placidly against him.

Hisoka moved down from Illumi’s lips to taste his throat, his tongue tracing a path down until he found his pecs. He sucked each, paying generous and equal attention to his nipples, swirling his tongue and gently sucking as he continued working him below.

“… Hisoka…” Illumi moaned softly, gently grabbing fistfuls of his soft hair.

Hisoka pulled his finger out, then slid it back in again along with a new one. The pressure increased when the two fingers breached inside, and Illumi gasped in delight when Hisoka gently worked his way, until he curled his fingers.

His cock throbbed when Illumi began a series of soft mewls. Illumi curled his toes, and he moved his hands down to Hisoka’s back, where his nails dug into the skin. He panted heavily, and he looked down to watch the way Hisoka’s glistening fingers thrust into him, how they kept appearing and disappearing as they pushed in and out of him.

Hisoka’s eyes never left him.

Illumi’s face of pleasure was always too incredible to miss.

“Ah… ah!” Illumi writhed, “Oh, fuck…”

He arched his back, as though to offer himself completely to Hisoka, and he hugged him. The redhead watched him in a daze, feeling an unusual sensation of overwhelming affection take over him.

He pulled out his fingers and held onto his dick. He guided it to Illumi’s eager entrance.

He nudged in circles, and very slightly pushed the head in. Illumi held his breath. He tightened in eager anticipation. Then, Hisoka slid only an inch before retreating, and he did it again, teasing both of them. Sweet heat licked at his skin as Hisoka kissed the side of his face. He slowly eased in an extra inch, and Illumi gasped a hiss of both relief and discomfort.

His hole accommodated to Hisoka’s size as the walls of his core welcomed him, holding his dick tight, and the delicious friction sent tingles through Hisoka’s body.

After some initial tentative, gentle strokes, Hisoka found a comfortable rhythm.

Illumi could feel and hear his ragged breaths on his ear. He held Hisoka’s nape and turned his head to give him a frantic kiss. Hisoka slid his tongue inside his mouth, and it twirled and rubbed against Illumi’s. He sucked gently as his dick thrust harder against Illumi, and Illumi soon had to break the kiss to moan.

He gasped. His eyes were half-lidded, and his mouth hung wide as he panted and moaned heavily as Hisoka fucked him into oblivion.

Knowing what they both loved, Hisoka gripped Illumi’s throat. He gradually began to choke him, throttling him into dizziness. Illumi’s cries increased in sequence and volume, and it drove Hisoka mad. His frantic but sweet, desperate moans contrasted perfectly with Hisoka’s masculine groans.

He didn’t apply too much pressure, though. Unlike usual, Hisoka wasn’t rough in his approach. And he didn’t feel like being rough, either. He merely intended to increase Illumi’s pleasure. He just wanted to make Illumi feel as good as possible, because he deserved it.

Because he... he lo—

His brief thought process ended when Illumi cried out, holding onto Hisoka’s strong bicep. Hisoka grabbed him by the hair, allowing himself to be carried away by the sweet voice that asked for more and more.

“You’re so good,” Hisoka breathed, “you’re so good, Illu… ♥”

Illumi cried out.

More. He wanted more.

Faster. Harder. More. More.

Then, Hisoka slammed into him hard and fast, his cock mercilessly hitting that sweet spot over and over. It sent brutal ripples of pleasure through Illumi’s searing body.

He was like an uncontrolled beast that had completely given in to pleasure.

Illumi cried out, buckling his hips. He thrust along with Hisoka, and he moved well, so well. He fucked them both into near orgasm, filling himself with Hisoka’s perfect dick.

“You move well, so well,” Hisoka praised. “Ah, you’re so perfect!” he cried out in sheer delight. “I **_love_** that expression! ♥”

Illumi arched his back, swinging his head back against the pillow as a delicate, shrilly moan escaped his throat. His long, raven hair flowed across the silk pillowcase, and his brows were furrowed in pleasure as he thrashed beneath Hisoka’s strong body.

“Ah… those eyes… that wondrous face, those noises you’re making! ♥”

Hisoka slammed into him, thrusting his cock high into Illumi’s sweet spot and fully burying himself inside. He stayed fully inside for a few seconds, relishing on the way Illumi’s walls gripped him tight. Then, he pulled out, and he slammed into him again. He moved so hard, so fast, and it felt so good to the raven haired beauty beneath him. Illumi’s gasps and pants were Hisoka’s triumph; more and more of them, more intense, louder.

“You’re so good, Illumi! ♥” Hisoka cried out in delight.

Aching for more connection, more intimacy, Hisoka brought Illumi’s hand up to the pillow, right next to his face. He intertwined their fingers, and he squeezed his hand as he fucked him with passion.

“Ah, just look at you. You’re magnificent! ♥” Hisoka moaned against his lips.

Hisoka’s praise, Hisoka’s kisses, Hisoka’s choking, Hisoka’s body, Hisoka’s thrusting.

They caused endless, delicious sensations in Illumi; they transported him to a different dimension, one where all he could do was cry out in delight, moan Hisoka’s name and allow himself to be fucked to unwavering pleasures.

Hisoka was an artist, exalting his work, painting his canvas. His soft skin, his strong pelvis, his skilful cock. Illumi’s throbbing hole welcomed him fully, and they both reached their peak.

They both gave their best, Hisoka thrusting into him expertly and mercilessly, while Illumi rocked his hips just right to meet Hisoka with each savage thrust. The redhead moved his hand to smack the pale skin of Illumi’s ass, and his hand lingered there—his long fingernails digging hard into the smooth skin.

Then, Hisoka tightly gripped Illumi’s hair and throat, holding him in place as cats do when holding onto their mate. He fucked him vigorously, with desire, with lust, with firmness, but with overwhelming love above everything, and he’d soon fill him with his seed to remind him whom he belonged to. He strived to please Illumi, to mark him and let him know how good he was, how loved he was, how special he was.

Illumi drove him mad. His moans of pleasure and his tight ass had Hisoka close to exploding.

He slammed hard, so hard, so fast that the bed creaked violently beneath their bodies and their frantic movements. His balls smacked Illumi’s reddened, overwhelmed ass, and Hisoka growled in pleasure as he added more pressure on Illumi’s throat.

Illumi cried out as his orgasm hit him.

It roared over him with unapologetic brutality. Every muscle tensed, his cock pulsed, and his balls tingled.

His nails dug hard on Hisoka’s back, and he screamed his name in sheer delight as his walls clamped tightly against Hisoka’s dick.

They gripped his dick tight, so tight, and his walls pulsed in ways Illumi didn’t imagine possible. His legs shook and his body thrashed violently under Hisoka.

He was fucked deliciously, and felt things he didn’t deem possible.

No matter how many times they did it, Hisoka always managed to blow his mind away in bed.

He gripped Hisoka’s arm hard as he looked down at the way Hisoka’s cock rapidly slipped in and out of him. Hisoka never stopped looking at him, not once.

Eager for his own orgasm, he moved his hands to Illumi’s waist, and he gripped it.

He held him tight, and he moved him along as he slammed into him. He groaned and grunted in pleasure, and Illumi closed his fingers around his searing, throbbing dick, and he worked himself.

He watched Hisoka’s heated reactions, and he worked himself accordingly to come along with him. When Hisoka gasped hard and complete pleasure contorted on his face, Illumi worked faster. He cried out as he came all over himself, and cum spurted up to his belly.

Hisoka then came with a loud cry of sheer bliss. He emptied his seed in spurs as he vigorously fucked Illumi’s cunt. He shot pulse after pulse, filling Illumi with jets of hot cum.

He panted for air as his body quivered like a leaf. He collapsed on Illumi, then propped himself on an arm as he continued thrusting in and out.

His thrusts gradually lessened in speed, and Hisoka nuzzled Illumi as his orgasm subsided. He gentled the connection by holding him tight, softly touching his mouth to Illumi’s.

As the last wave of his strong orgasm receded, the overwhelming fog of lust cleared.

“… Fuck…” Hisoka breathed, and Illumi hugged him close. They simply held each other, feeling their ragged, fast breaths on the other. They allowed their heated bodies time to recuperate, and lust turned to love.

Hisoka gently kissed, licked and sucked at his neck. He then moved up to Illumi’s mouth, and he kissed him long and soft as he touched him. His chest, his belly, his face.

“I love you,” he abruptly popped the three words with unapologetic sincerity.

Illumi’s eyes widened. He didn’t blink, and he looked at Hisoka with shock.

“Illu… Illumi,” he nuzzled his face, “I love you.”

“I love you, Illumi.”

Hisoka kissed his face.

“I love you, Illumi.”

He spoke the words with unapologetic sincerity, with no shame whatsoever. And Illumi didn’t stop him.

The words were unexpected, but not unwelcome.

“I love you, Illumi.”

Illumi closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, immense satisfaction washed over him, and he stretched his arms, then wrapped them around Hisoka.

Hisoka remained on top of him, then rolled to his side as Illumi still held him. He, too, held Illumi close, and enjoyed him.

“So, when are we fighting your old man? And your grandpa, too, I assume.”

“Already thinking about fighting again?” Illumi brushed Hisoka’s hair back. “You never change.”

“It’s different this time,” Hisoka shook his head. “I want to beat some sense into them for the way they’ve treated you. I’d even like to kill them, if possible.”

In normal circumstances, he would’ve expected Illumi’s bloodlust to skyrocket, but he knew things were different now. Illumi was calmer and didn’t allow such threats to faze him. From Illumi’s perspective, these were usually Hisoka’s idea of a joke, so he didn’t allow himself to feel threatened.

And he didn’t like playing into his hands by dignifying Hisoka with reactions, either.

It was different now, though. One look at Hisoka’s expression allowed Illumi to understand he was completely serious.

“No killing,” Illumi said. “They’re still my family.”

“That depends on how they react once you tell them you’re leaving. Even if you end up hating me, I won’t hesitate to kill them if they lay a finger on you.”

“No killing,” the soon to be former assassin reiterated. “We just incapacitate them.”

“That depends on them,” Hisoka insisted.

Illumi decided to leave this argument for another day. “Nevermind that,” he sighed. “I’d like to sleep now.”

Hisoka nodded.

Illumi closed his eyes, but Hisoka called his name before he could doze off.

“Hm?” he opened them.

They shared strong eye contact.

“I love you, Illumi,” Hisoka repeated.

Illumi blinked.

“You don’t have to say it. I just wanted you to know.”

With these words, Hisoka closed his eyes and snuggled up to Illumi to get some shut-eye, as well.

Illumi watched Hisoka for some time.

He figured enough time had passed for him to finally be asleep.

“... I love you, Hisoka…” he mumbled.

He closed his eyes, and he dozed off much faster than he’d anticipated.

Then, after some moments, Hisoka’s golden eyes opened.

For a brief moment, everything inside Hisoka hurt. He didn’t know why, but it hurt. He felt equally moved, touched and hurt. He didn’t know why.

He didn’t know why he felt this way. It was unlike him.

He shouldn’t be capable of feeling these emotions. He shouldn’t be capable of feeling much of anything.

He’d always been his own man. He’d never been interested in making friends. He’d always been the Troupe outcast. Even though they were ruthless killers, the Troupe did care deeply for each other. Even these sadistic murderers had a heart. Even they knew what it was like to love and be loved.

Hisoka didn’t. He thought he’d never know, but he never cared about it, either.

So, why did meeting Illumi change that?

He was loved, why did that feel—no, no. It’s not that he was loved. It’s that he was loved by ** _Illumi_**. Someone who, too, should be incapable of love. Illumi, whom he felt so strongly for. His feelings were reciprocated. That’s what stunned him.

What was this he was feeling? It was so foreign.

He honestly didn’t know, nor did he understand his own mind. For a brief moment, he felt he didn’t know anything.

But he **_loved_** Illumi. That he knew fully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the chapter, and thereby the end of the fic! I hope you enjoyed this! Please leave kudos and/or a comment if you did, it'd mean so much to me! Bookmarks are always lovingly appreciated, too.
> 
> As I said last chapter, this was intended to be simply a one-shot, but I didn't want it to be exceedingly long, so I split it in two. However, I received a couple of comments that both touched and intrigued me, some of them regarding Illumi's redemption and a good brotherly chat with Killua. It got me thinking. For the time being, this fic is through and through, but stay subscribed in case this changes in the future.
> 
> I truly hope you enjoyed the fic! Smut is a weak point of mine, so feel free to criticise it and give me pointers so I can improve. And, yes... the ending was a little sappy, but come on, I needed it! 
> 
> And, as always, I am a fangirl at heart, so if you ever wish to fangirl about HxH or HisoIllu with someone, hit me up. Request prompts and fics to your heart's content as well, or just stop by to say hello on my [Tumblr](https://bipabrena.tumblr.com/ask) or [Twitter.](https://twitter.com/AMorteToMal)


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